the joy of loving Mirajane Strauss
by doseofdream
Summary: "How are you going to spend your life when you know your days are numbered?" It all began when Laxus took her diary by mistake. He learnt that the woman, who smiled the most, hid painful secrets. [Modern AU, FT belongs to Mashima] [on hiatus]
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I'm not a medical expert so my story here is based on some google research. I sincerely apologize in advance if my writing is not accurate and if it hurts anyone's feeling. Please don't read if it makes you uncomfortable. Thank you.**

 **##**

 _Dear diary,_

 _How are you going to spend your life when you know your days are numbered?_

 _Could you still smile and laugh comfortably like nothing happens?_

"Hey, be careful, that hurts!" A look of sheer pain crossed Laxus' face as the tip of the needle pierced the skin. He had blood on his forehead and his lip was split on the right side that he could taste the blood. He didn't realize how hurt it was during the fight against a group of boys from another school; it must be his adrenaline that took over him. He was lucky to get away when the security from the school came along, but then he was suspended from the school for a week due to the fight.

"I'm sorry, but I'm almost done," the school nurse said. She sounded annoyed and didn't seem that she was sorry at all.

"Yeah, whatever, just get it done, and I need to go home," said Laxus, rolling his eyes. "Oh, I still left my notebook in my desk," he murmured. It's not that he was going to read the book during suspension. But his notebook was filled with his drawing, and he disliked the idea of people seeing his drawing. It's invasion of privacy, he believed.

After finished being treated in school infirmary, Laxus went back to his classroom, and he was surprised when he saw Mirajane stood near his desk, looking up to the blue sky . What she is doing at this hour, all students already left, he wondered. His eyes widened when he saw tearsrolling down her cheeks.

Realizing that somebody was watching over her, she instantly wiped away her tears. The corner of her lips curled up into a smile. "Laxus, what are you doing at this hour? Everyone already left," she said softly.

"Same question with you," he answered plainly. Even though he didn't really care why she was not leaving yet.

"Nothing. I just don't feel like going home."

"Oh," Laxus said, taking his notebook in his desk without looking at her.

Her eyes widened when she examined his face and realized his forehead was wounded. "What happened? Are you alright?" she asked in concerned tone as she gently touched his face.

Laxus slapped her hands and said, "I'm alright. I'm leaving now."

She smiled again and even let out a small chuckle. "Oh alright, be careful then."

Laxus nodded and left her.

Mirajane Strauss. She's the class representative. She's a very popular, likeable person in his class. She's very gentle, friendly and slow to anger. She's the type of person that all female students want to be friends with, and the type of dream woman that male students are longing for. Teachers also fell head over heels for her. Laxus also wondered sometimes, how a tiny woman like her could have so much energy, and positive vibe. She never failed to brighten up the room with her contagious smile and affirming attitude. But Laxus didn't care so much. For him everyone in that classroom was the same. They were just wearing the masks to cover their weakness and pretended to be anything that the world wanted them to be. They were weak and stupid. And he was not interested in getting along with weaklings.

For him every day was also the same. Just another meaningless day went by. He often wondered, what his purpose in life was. Was it just going to school every day, achieving good grades, getting into the best university, and securing a prestigious job, then what? Lived the life just to fulfil his father's selfish desire? Just to be the same with the rest of people in the world?

As Laxus got home, he laid on bed. He lazily opened the notebook that he just took, and his eyes widened. The cover of the notebook was the same, but instead of looking at his drawing, he found a lot of writing, and it was not his handwriting. It was not his notebook!

He then got up to look at the content.

 _Dear diary,_

 _Birth and death. It's funny how I started crying the day I was born. I knew I must be crying because I was so happy that my mom chose life. I always believe that my life has a purpose. Until today when I discover that I have leukemia. Leukemia. This is death sentence to my ears. I watched with my own eyes when my grandmother was suffering from this deadly disease and died because of it._

 _I was crying my eyes out for hours. I lost my appetite and I just wanted to lock myself in the room. I cannot help but wondering, why do I have to live with this disease? Why me God? I'm only seventeen for fuck sake. There are so many things I want to do in life and there are so many dreams that I want to achieve! How dare fate takes it away from me? Fate. I just cannot accept it when people say it's my fate to live with leukemia. I just can't!_

Laxus closed the book as he took deep breaths. He noticed his hands were shaking, and not wanting to believe what he was just reading. He should have not read the book that didn't belong to him anyway—but he was curious to whom the book belonged. He decided to peek the front page, and his eyes widened as he read the name. Mirajane Strauss.


	2. Chapter 2

_Dear diary,_

 _Ignorance is bliss._

 _If only I could turn back time, I would rather stay at home and endure with all the excruciating physical pain. Physical pain might be destructive, but it will fade away. But emotional pain; the pressure of living under the cloud of fear and anxiety will never go away and it is killing me, slowly._

 _I'd rather live without knowing I have this disease._

The sun was up and when his lids opened, the brightness blinded him. He blinked, let his eyes adjust, turned away from the sun and opened them again. He was staring at her notebook that he put next to him. He decided not read the rest of the book last night. He didn't need to know her life. It wasn't any of his business what she wanted to do with her life.

Yet, the curiosity inside him swelled.

He knew he shouldn't be indulging his curiosity, but he couldn't help it.

Ok, just scan the first page, he promised to himself.

He opened the book and he began to scan her writing.

 _Dear diary,_

 _Today is my first day of the third year! I'm so excited since this is our final year in high school, then after that we will be in the university. Some of us would go to work instead of going for the university. But there is one person that I don't know what he's going to do after high school._

 _Laxus Dreyar._

 _I'm surprised that we are being classmates again for three years in a row. He doesn't talk much and I've barely seen him interacting with any other students. He used to, in the first year, especially with Bickslow. I heard they were good friends in middle school. But then I don't know what happened. After first couple of months, they were no longer talking._

 _They acted like they didn't know one another, and he began to change._

 _He only talked to others when necessary, and he often skipped the class._

 _He seemed to enjoy being alone. But when I caught him looking at me with those piercing blue eyes, I felt like he was longing for something, but I wasn't sure what that was._

Laxus scoffed, and closed the book instantly. "What a waste of time, reading a trash," he murmured. She acted as if she could read him despite the fact that they had never talked. Or maybe she did read him, and he just didn't want to admit that she was right. He didn't feel like he was fit in with everyone in the class. He didn't think he was belonged there. Ironically, he didn't know anywhere else he would feel more comfortable.

He went down to the living room and poured water into his glass.

"Why are you still in your shirt? You'll be late to school," said Ivan, putting on his glasses and staring at his son.

"I'm being suspended for a week," Laxus answered shortly.

Ivan sighed, "This has happened for the second time this semester. Do you seriously want to get expelled from school?"

Laxus didn't answer. Instead, he was just drinking his glass of water and heading upstairs to his room.

"Laxus, it's only five months away from graduation. You'd better take your school seriously."

"I know."

Before Ivan could say anything, the bell rang and they both could hear someone knocking at the door.

Laxus rolled his eyes and went to open the front door without peeking who the guest was.

It was Mirajane Strauss.

"Good morning Laxus, did you take my notebook yesterday by mistake?" She asked softly.

Laxus nodded. "Wait here, I'll grab it for you."

He then went upstairs to take her notebook and he went to meet her afterwards.

"Did you have my notebook?" Laxus asked, handing her the book.

Mirajane nodded, and gave him his book.

"Ok thanks." As Laxus was about to close the door, Mirajane was quick to push her foot in to stop him.

"D-did you read my diary?" She asked cautiously, examining his face closely.

"Yes, only few paragraph though," he answered nonchalantly.

"Which one?"

"That you have leukemia."

Laxus was surprised when Mirajane held his hands. "Please don't tell anyone in class," she begged.

Laxus raised his brow, and he answered nonchalantly, "I won't. That's none of my business anyway."

She didn't know if she should be relieved or hurt by his bluntness. She knew that he didn't mean to hurt her, but his words stung.

Still embarrassed by his bluntness, she flushed, yet she still managed to thank him. "Thank you, Laxus. Your drawings are stunning and they look so real."

Embarrassment stained his cheeks in pink and he began to stutter. "Y-you saw my drawings?"

She giggled at the sight of him flushing. "You know that you shouldn't peek at a person's diary too, don't you?"

Laxus scoffed. "Yeah, sorry for that," he said flatly.

"No, it's fine. At least I get to see your drawing. Anyway, I have to go to school now before I'm late," she said glancing over her watch.

"Anyway Laxus, I'm truly amazed at your drawing. Thank you for drawing me," she said with a smile and left. Her smile was so enormous and genuine; a smile that he no longer thought she was capable of. He was so drawn in her smile that it took him few minutes until he realized what she had just told him before she left, " _Thank you for drawing me."_

"Oh no don't tell me—"

He couldn't even finish his words as he quickly flipped it open to the first page.

He made a dozen tiny drawings of her on the first sheet of paper. Mostly from behind. Because he used to sit in the back during the first year and she used to sit at the front row. The sight of these suddenly brought him back the memory when they were still first year students. The first time he saw her, he was mesmerized by her soft voice and beauty. But since he couldn't bring himself to say anything to her, he was just drawing her secretly from behind.

He realized how much he had changed since first year. He had tasted the bitterness of betrayal, and he came to conclusion that he couldn't trust anyone else, but himself. He decided he'd better off alone, and he'd been avoiding intimacy with anyone since his incident with Bickslow.

He then remembered her words. _"Please don't tell anyone in class."_ And the sound of her giggle when she saw him slightly blushing. He couldn't help, but wondering how she could still smile at him despite him giving her the cold shoulder.

 **A/N: I can't believe I spent hours for this short chapter, and I'm still disappointed with this chapter. It's just hard to write a complicated character like Laxus, but I do hope you still enjoy the story.**


	3. Chapter 3

_Dear diary,_

 _I believe everyone around me deserves to be happy. They don't need to know my pain and suffering. This is my battle._

It had been five days since Laxus was suspended from attending school. He took his days off to rise at dawn so he could exercise and admire sunrise, and then he just loved spending time in the park or near the lake, and then wearily returned home after sunset. He loved spending time outside because he loved nature and light. With each canvas, he sought to capture one beautiful, inspirational moment. He had a passion for nature and art since he was a child and that's how he developed a determination not to just observe, but to capture all of these beautiful moment through drawing. Unfortunately his father had never supported his passion. Ivan always wanted him to hold a prestigious position; be a businessman, an attorney, a professor, anything but an artist.

When he was arrived at the front door of his house, he was surprised to see Mirajane stood near the front door.

"What are you doing?" he asked flatly.

"I'm here just to give you the copy of the notes for the past five days," she answered, handing him the copy of her notes.

"Every day I came here at four or five, but nobody was home, and I kept calling your phone, but you never answered me. So I'm thinking maybe I should've come here around seven," she explained.

He scanned her notes and gave it back to her. "Thanks, but I don't need it." He then unlocked the front door.

"But we'll be having final exam in two weeks, and I just want everyone in my class to pass," she insisted.

"I appreciate the sentiment, but your notes alone won't save everyone from failing. Bye," he said coldly, opening the front door and when he began to close it, Mirajane held his hand. "Wait, I need to pee. Can you please let me use your restroom?"

Laxus sighed. "Fine, come on in."

She cracked a big, beautiful smile at him. "Thanks, Laxus."

Shortly after he let her in his house, Mirajane suddenly felt a sharp pain, stinging sensation in her legs. But she bit down her lips, she took everything that pain could throw her. Not here, not in her classmate's house. She then fell to her knees as the pain was getting worse.

As Laxus glanced over at her, he noticed the blood flowing from her lips. "Hey, are you ok?" he asked concernedly. He even became more concerned when her face grew pale and her breath quickened. Mirajane smiled and lied. "No, I'm fine. I must be hurting my legs today because of the cheerleader practice today," she said, fighting to catch her breath.

Of course Laxus knew she was lying. Even a kindergarten kid could tell that she lied. She didn't look like she was just hurting her legs.

But the pain kept throbbing and suddenly it became unbearable that she began to scream.

"Fuck, I'll call 911." But Mirajane held his hands. "Don't. Please grab the pill in my bag. That will… solve t-the problem," she told him weakly.

Laxus then rushed to her bag and grabbed a small container of pills and a glass of water. He helped her sit up and held the glass as she took the medicine.

She then laid her head on the floor. Her pale cheek found some relief against the cold floorboards. She smiled at Laxus and said weakly, "Thanks, Laxus. I'm sorry that I g-give you… so.. much.. trouble.."

But Laxus ignored her. He knew the floor was too cold for her. She yelped when he scooped her up to the couch. He then sat on the floor near the couch.

"I'm fine. The painkiller will kick in after fifteen minutes, then I can go home," she said as she used all of her strength to sit up, but Laxus held her trembling hands. "Stay," he ordered in commanding voice that silenced her. Mirajane nodded and she laid her head on the couch. She watched him from behind, yet she did not say any words. That was funny that he used to watch her from behind, and now it was her turn to watch him from behind.

And they both remained silent until they fell asleep.

##

Laxus blinked to clear his sleepy eyes as he heard a faint noise. He then saw Mirajane putting her socks on. "You're leaving?" he asked.

Mirajane nodded. "Yes, it's midnight now, and my brother and sister had called me ten times or more when I was sleeping."

"Where do you live?"

"Like 20s stops from here."

"Let me walk you home."

She chuckled. "No, you don't need to. I'm totally fine now."

Laxus then stood next to her and put on his socks. "This is not a request," he said firmly.

Before she opened her mouth to tell him that she was completely fine, Laxus already opened the front door and walked out. "Come on, the last bus is at 1 am."

##

During the ride on the bus, they both remained silent. Laxus was just staring emptily out of the bus window while Mirajane was just replying text messages to her siblings.

Mirajane eventually broke the silence. "I'm sorry I give you so much trouble at home and now you have to take me home."

"Stop apologizing," he said flatly, without looking at her. His tone was cold as a winter wind. Yet, she knew that his actions contradicted his action. It made her wonder if the person next to her was the same emotionally cold Laxus that she met every day in class.

"Oh, it's my stop now. Thank you so much for accompanying me," she said as she was getting ready to get off the bus. But to her surprise, Laxus followed her. "I said earlier that I would walk you home."

She smiled warmly at him. "Yes, you did." Then they both got off the bus and walked together to her house.

"Mira!" Lisanna immediately jumped into her sister the moment she saw Mirajane from a distance.

"We're so worried!" Lisanna said in tears.

"Hey, I'm fine Lisanna. Sorry that I made you worried," she said with a smile.

Then suddenly Elfman appeared, and hugged both of his sisters. "Mira, are you alright?"

"I'm fine brother," she let out a chuckle.

Shortly, Elfman realized that Mirajane was not alone as he saw Laxus. "Who is that guy?"

"I'm leaving now," Laxus said as he turned away. He didn't walk her home, but he guessed it was no longer necessary as her siblings were there to walk her home. At least now he knew she was safe.

"That's my classmate, Laxus. He was so kind that he took me home," Mira answered.

"Wait Laxus, I haven't talked to you." Elfman then walked toward him. Laxus rolled his eyes. Did this guy know that it's over midnight and he still wanted to chat? Laxus then turned around to see him. "What?"

To his surprise, Elfman grabbed his hands. "Thank you so much for taking my sister home. Did anything happen to my sister?"

As Laxus was about to answer, his eyes caught Mirajane shaking her head; as if signaling him not to tell her siblings anything.

Laxus raised his brow as he remembered her words, _"Don't tell anyone in my class."_ Wait, did it mean that her siblings were not aware of her situation? Oh crap, now that he knew her biggest and darkest secret, he had to be involved in her life?

Elfman was still looking at him, waiting for his answer.

Laxus sighed. "No, nothing happened to your sister." And now he had to lie too.

Elfman sounded so relieved, "Oh I'm glad that she's fine. She's been acting so strange," he murmured.

"If there's nothing else, then I'm leaving," he said as he turned away. Laxus felt himself becoming uncomfortable as guilt gnawed over his lie to her brother.

"Thank you Laxus for taking my sister home," Lisanna yelled and Laxus just raised his hand without looking back.

##

During a ride home, he then texted Mirajane. "Wth Mira, so your family doesn't know you have leukemia?"

His phone then buzzed, and it was a text message from Mirajane.

"Nope. Please keep it as a secret."

He texted back. "I hate doing this. Why are you involving me in your stupid lies?"

"Why are you so upset? I thought you are cool with keeping my secret because you said whatever happens with me is none of your business?"

Laxus looked frustratedly at the text message and put his cellphone down. She was right. What he was upset for, he just needed to keep his mouth shut and let her live her own life the way she wanted to. If she didn't want anyone else to know, then that was her decision. If she didn't want any treatment, then that was her decision too. It was none of his business. He had to push aside the guilt over lying to her family. He had nothing to feel guilty about. It was not like he was responsible for her life. But he would not deny that a surge of sympathy for her welled up in him.


	4. Chapter 4

_Dear diary,_

 _There is one man that always owns my heart. I remember the first time I saw him was on my first year cheerleader practice, he was dribbling his basketball. He looked up at me with his big brown eyes, and I knew I'll never forget those brown eyes. I can dream about those brown eyes. He is so breathtakingly beautiful. Breathtaking, literally. I can feel my breaths trembling and coming short in my throat. He has this power that make me weak inside. I thought that it is just my first year crush, but I am wrong. Even up to this day, he still owns my heart._

 _But I refuse to make the first move. For all these three years, I've just been waiting and waiting until he makes his first move, and eventually he did. Two days ago he asked me if he could walk me home, but as I had to deliver the copy of my notes to Laxus and Evergreen who didn't make it to school today, I reluctantly declined his offer. But I was glad that he was still persistent. He asked me if he could pick me up and we could go to school together the next day, and with all my heartbeat, I said yes._

 _I don't know whether I should be happy or not. I am happy that he eventually asked me, but I am afraid too. If he learns that I have leukemia, will he stay?_

"Good morning Daisuke, you get here pretty early," Mira said with a warm smile.

Daisuke Obito. He was the captain of the basketball team. He was tall and lean, all muscle and sinew.

"I don't want to make you wait," he answered warmly, and she giggled at his answer, "Turns out I'm the one who make you wait."

Daisuke let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding with a half laugh. No wonder she was so likeable in school. She was different from any other females that he went out with. She made him feel more relaxed on the first date.

"So how was Laxus doing?" he asked gently.

Suddenly a flash came back to her like an image pulled from a sky. She did something so embarrassing at his place— she collapsed and fell asleep at his place.

"He's fine. Today is his first day to school, so I can't wait to see him."

"Yeah, I wonder why he had changed so much. He was a talented, wonderful basketball player back then. Do you still remember his match?" Daisuke asked.

Mirajane nodded. "Yes, I was there during his first match. He was just so amazing."

She still remembered he was only in the team for the first couple of months during the first year. After he quitted from the team, he didn't seem to be involved in any other club activities.

Daisuke patted her head. "Ok, don't make me jealous. We are not talking about him anymore," he said with half-laugh. She blushed near scarlet at his answer and lowered her gaze to the floor. Daisuke gently held her hand in his. She looked up at him, and smiled when she saw Daisuke was blushing and looking away. It seemed that she was off to a good start today.

##

After Daisuke took Mirajane to her class, he waved at her. "I'll see you at lunch break?"

Mirajane nodded, "yes, Daisuke."

After Daisuke left, the whole class cheered for Mirajane. Some of the classmates began to tease. "Congrats Mira, Daisuke is so handsome. He is a real good match for you!"

"Wow, Mirajane you get a date!"

"Mira, how about me?" some other male classmates joked.

And Mirajane just busted out laughing until tears fell down her cheeks and her side ached. "No, we are not dating yet!"

Suddenly the whole class became silent when someone else stepped in. It was Laxus Dreyar. They breathe a sigh of relief as they thought it was the teacher who went in, and they continued teasing Mirajane.

"Don't lie. I saw you walking together, holding hands from the bus stop to the class."

Mirajane just chuckled and she turned to see Laxus. "Morning Laxus, how are you feeling?"

Without looking at her, Laxus answered, "good," then he continued walking to his desk.

"Hey, man what's your problem. She even volunteered herself to deliver the copy of her notes to your place," Freed called out.

"Nobody asked her to," he answered shortly, staring emptily at the window.

Freed curled his hand up into a fist and raised his tone, "You—"

"Hey, hey that's alright. He's right, nobody asked me to," Mirajane told Freed calmly, holding his shoulder. She then turned to see Laxus and smiled at him, "I'm glad that you come back."

Yet Laxus didn't say anything. She was a great actress; he would not doubt that. And he just despised how she was convincingly hiding her pain and suffering from others; how she still sounded so calm despite her deadly disease. He also despised the sound of her laugh; how she could still laugh comfortably when she knew her days were numbered, but what he despised the most was how much she made him thinking of her when he was not supposed to.

Mirajane looked worriedly at Laxus. She knew she must have gone overboard by involving him in her lies, and she felt guilty for it. She tried to call him after that night to apologize, but he just never picked up the phone. She then texted Daisuke, "Daisuke, sorry, I've got something else to do during lunch break. Can we meet after school?"

##

The bell rang, it was time for lunch break. Mirajane looked around, but she didn't find Laxus anywhere. That man was like ghost; he just disappeared within seconds. Mira was distracted by her classmates discussing the plan for school festival during lunch break that she missed his whereabouts. She had been asking around and eventually some students knew his whereabouts. "I saw him heading to the lake near school."

She glanced over her watch. She still had forty-five minutes left for lunch break. She then rushed to the lake, and eventually found him there, laying on the grass stacking his hands behind his head.

"Laxus, I've been looking for you—" She didn't even manage to continue her words as her gaze flickered over his beautiful arms, bent to reveal his stunning biceps. Her cheeks burned, not from embarrassment, but from the desire to see him without clothes. Did she just desire him? She cleared her throat.

"We have nothing to talk about," he said, looking up at the blue sky.

His question snapped her back into reality. "Actually we do," she said, laying her body next to Laxus. "A lot," she continued. She decided to just lay down beside him and look up at the sky. That way she wouldn't be distracted by his stunning biceps.

Laxus narrowed his eyes, and asked her coldly, "What do you want?"

"I'm sorry that I involved you in my lies to my family."

"Oh," was all he managed to say.

They both remained silent. "Are you ever going to get the treatment?" he eventually broke the silence.

"No, I don't want to," she answered firmly.

He then sat up and looked at her. He began to raise his tone, "Why are you so stupid?"

Mirajane tried to ignore his sharp fiery eyes by looking away and covering her ears with both of her hands so as not to hear the harsh words. She bit down her lips, fighting her tears from falling down. "I don't want people to treat me as an ill, poor Mirajane, and do you even know how much chemotherapy suck the happiness out of us? It even made us sicker than cancer itself!"

He leant down to take her hands away from her ears, and looked her in the eyes. She turned her head away, embarrassed as her tears betrayed her. But he gently held her chin so she couldn't look away, but she still lowered her gaze. "Look at me," he ordered. But she refused to meet his eyes.

"Why do you care how others see you? In my eyes, you will always be the same Mirajane with or without leukemia. Yeah, chemo sucks, but are you just going to give up without giving a fight? Did you ever think of your family and your new pretty boyfriend?

The sudden gentleness in his tone made her willing to meet his eyes again. She saw kindness in them, just like the night when she collapsed in his place.

"Don't you dare give up. You are better than this," he said firmly. The firmness in his tone contradicting the warmth in his eyes that comforted her tired soul. Her hand reached out to touch his cheeks, and he could feel her breath on his face when she whispered near his ears. "I won't. Thank you, Laxus."

Between the gentleness of her touch and her closeness, he was surprised that his heartbeat was quickened, and he suddenly became aware of feelings he didn't expect.

 **A/N: At first, I was thinking to make a slow burn romance, but uh, epic failure. Hope you still enjoy this chapter and let me know what you think. This is last chapter for this month, not sure when I'm going to update again because I need to study for national board exam. Thank you!**


	5. Chapter 5

Mirajane Strauss. It had been days since their last talk near the lake, but Laxus could still feel her warm breath against his skin, the touch of her hand on his cheek. He still remembered the soft allure of her lips, and how much he wanted to taste her beautiful lips.

The realization struck him like a blow. Did he really fall for her? He knew he did, no matter how many times he convinced himself he didn't. He didn't know how he could have fallen for her, but he knew he had been constantly thinking of her since she was collapsed in his place and found himself constantly wondering how she was doing at the odd moment during the day. He'd never wanted to cherish and protect anyone as much as he did Mirajane. She made him wish for things he'd never dreamed possible— He let himself love again. He didn't love her because he pitied her; he loved her because of the woman she was inside: warm, loving, and strong with a heart on sunlight.

He had never been more convinced when the whole class cheered for her dating a captain of basketball team. Daisuke Obito. The feeling that rushed through him was new, but he knew it. Jealousy; the monster that churned his stomach. But if another man could make her happy after all the tears that she had shed and the pain that she had to endure, he would move on with his life. It hurt him; just when he thought he could never love again, he had to let her go. But he knew her happiness was more important to him than anything else.

But the fact that she relied on him on so many different levels made it so difficult for him to move on. Just few days after he talked to her to get into the treatment that she needed, she called him, "Laxus, I have had an MRI the day after we talked, and set appointment with doctor tomorrow after school for the result. Can you come with me?" and he said yes.

During the wait in the doctor's office, Mirajane held his hand tightly in hers, and her hands were trembling so hard despite her attempt to control the fear raging inside. She didn't even look at him; she only lowered her gaze to the floor as she was fighting with her own fear. Feeling her unspoken fear, Laxus put his other hand on top of her shaking hands. His large hand was warm against her hand. She looked up at him, surprised. "You're not alone," he said, comforting her, and comforting himself as well. He would not deny that he was also frightened too as he didn't know what to expect. It had been few months since she had been diagnosed with leukemia, and she didn't get any treatment since then; only painkiller to ease her excruciating bone and joint pain. His words were simple, but it somehow gave her assurance that she was not alone. His words blanketed and warmed her. Comforting her. Sitting next to him made her feel like she could share everything with him, and she knew she'd be safe. "Thank you Laxus, I don't know what I'm going to do if it were not for you," she smiled softly at him.

 _Please don't say nice thing to me._ He knew she didn't mean to hurt his feeling, but her kind words made him think there was a glimmer of hope that there could be a chance of anything romantic happening and he hated that for he knew there was no chance at all. But he knew a few hurt feeling were a small price to pay as long as she could smile again.

As her name had been called in, they went in to see the doctor and he showed them her MRI picture. "The cancer has not spread, but I'm afraid it's growing bigger now. I would suggest you to go through radiation and chemotherapy as soon as possible before it spreads."

He didn't say anything yet for he couldn't describe how relieved he was that her cancer was not spread to any other organ. But then he looked at her again. "Are you going to set appointment for radiation and chemotherapy?" He was concerned and worried if she was not going for the treatment. Yet, she nodded and smiled at him, "Yes, I cannot give up now, can I?"

"Are you going to tell your siblings?"

"Yes, I cannot hide from them forever, but please don't let our classmates know, especially Daisuke."

Daisuke. He hated that name. He scoffed, "Don't worry, I won't tell your pretty boyfriend," and she only giggled at his answer. "He's been asking me for a date on Sunday, but he's not my boyfriend yet."

"Oh," was all he managed to say. He didn't want to know anything about their date. A jealous pang seized his heart, but he was still able to maintain his composure. Showing his vulnerability was the least thing he desired.

##

Mirajane looked at her entire legs in disbelief. She knew it was expected; part of her disease, but why did it have to happen now, on Sunday where she's going for a date with Daisuke. She had _petechiae_ or tons of tiny red spots over her entire legs. She had prepared her favorite mini dress for a date in Margaret town, and she realized that she now had to switch her outfit. He couldn't see the flaw of her skin. Not on their first date. She decided to wear her black skinny jeans with blue tank top that showed off her cleavage, and she paired those with her favorite high heels. She would meet him in the train station and Daisuke would still love her appearance, and she couldn't be more right than that.

The sight of her had robbed him of breath. She was more glorious and beautiful than the first sunrise that Daisuke had ever seen. Her smooth skin was radiant against her blue tank top. Her hair was swept up into an intricate bun, and she was just so perfect in his eyes.

They went to Margaret town in the morning; took a stroll, culinary tour in that city, and picnic in the park. They found a lot of common ground and the conversation went so easy. Daisuke knew very well the rules of first date: it could be magical, it could be just an OK, or it could be stink. For him, it was the most magical first date he'd ever had. "It was the least awkward first date experiences I'd ever had," said Daisuke. She smiled at him and said, "Well, it's my first date so I cannot make comparison."

Daisuke widened her eyes. "What? You've never dated anyone before?"

Mirajane shook her head. "Nope, you're my first date Daisuke."

Hearing her answer, a pink hue rose into his cheek, and he let out a chuckle. "I hope you have a great one."

"Of course I do," said Mirajane with a smile.

"Mira, are you and Laxus romantically involved?"

She narrowed her eyes and giggled. "He is someone very important to me, but we are only friends. Why are you thinking that we are romantically involved?"

"It's just that I notice you seemed to spend a lot of time with him. I sometimes saw you two left school together, and it just made me jealous."

She looked up and saw him blush like the first time when their eyes met. Daisuke was looking straight at Mirajane, approaching her even, and his voice was gentle as he told her, "I've always liked you since the first time I saw you practicing. The first time I looked into your eyes, I was so absorbed into your beautiful brown eyes. You are a beautiful person. I don't just mean you look beautiful, but that you're beautiful inside too. You're very popular in our school Mira, and it takes me three years to ask you—"

Before he could finish his words, Mirajane silenced him with a brief, innocent kiss. Pulling back slightly, she whispered against their lips, "I have been waiting for you for the past three years."

He hesitated for an instant before pulling her into his arms and kissed her roughly. His kisses were hungry, roaming over her back, and the heat swamped her. She was suddenly mindless with desires, she wanted more and even more as his mouth was hot on hers. She wanted him badly and he could feel it. He then whispered near her ears, "We still have four hours before the last train to Magnolia. Can we continue this somewhere more private?" Without hesitation, Mirajane nodded. "Sure."

##

Once they were alone in the hotel room, he pressed her against the bed and kissed her neck as his hands roamed over her body, and Mirajane felt heaven couldn't be any better than this. He broke the kiss only when Mirajane took her tank top off and tore away his shirt, but the hunger in his eyes changed as he told her, "Are you sure you want to do this with me? The last thing I want is for you to feel rushed to anything." Mirajane nodded, cupping his cheeks, and saying, "Yes, I want to do it with you." She couldn't comprehend what had gotten into her, did she just tell him she wanted to do it with him? She couldn't think the logic as the pleasure swamped her.

"But once I start, I'm afraid I cannot stop," he reminded her. "Then don't stop," she said, running her hands over his magnificent abs and up his chest. He then pulled the straps of her bra down and kissed her shoulder. His hands cupped her lace-covered breast, and as he unclasped her bra and tossed it off he saw her looking away with the pink tinged showed in her cheeks. "Are you alright? Do you really want to do this?" he asked with genuine concern. She nodded, "sorry, this is my first time. I'm just embarrassed."

"There is nothing you should be embarrassed of. You have the most beautiful breasts I've ever seen," he said as he kissed the valley between her breasts before latching onto her nipple and sucking it into his mouth. She began to moan in pleasure and he could see her reflection of the window. It was the sexiest image he had ever seen; her closed eyes and her mouth slightly opened in pleasure. God, he couldn't get enough of it. As he slid his hand to the waist of her jeans and unzipped them, he noticed a lot of tiny red spots near her wide hips. "What's that? Is that—"

Realizing what Daisuke was seeing, her eyes widened and she rapidly zipped her jeans. "I'm sorry, I'm not ready for it Daisuke." She lied. She just didn't want him to see her tons of red spots. She then realized something was off with Daisuke. His eyes had changed from brown to bottomless pits of black. He looked shock, yet he said nothing. "It's time to leave," he said picking up her bra and tank top on the floor and handing those to her. His expression suddenly turned opaque. Mirajane blinked at the sudden change. It felt as if he slammed the door right in her face. "What's going on? I said I'm sorry Daisuke, please forgive me," she begged him.

"It's alright." But his tone didn't sound like it. Instead his tone had become as hard as his eyes. She stared at him, bewildered by the stern look on his face. The idea of him hating her made her shiver, missing his warmth the instant his expression changed.

##

"Mira, open the door!" Laxus said, knocking at her front door.

"Oh, hey Laxus, what are you doing here?" She asked softly as she opened the door.

"Here," he said, handing her the copy of his notes. She looked up at him, looked confused.

"Well, you missed school today so I'm just returning a favor for you today. You delivered the copy of your notes to my place when I was suspended so I'm just doing the same thing," he said, then paused as Mirajane only stared at him emptily. "Since you look fine, I'll just leave now," he continued.

"Don't go. You've come far to my place. Come in I'll make some tea for you," she said, smiling at him.

"That's alright. I'm just going to leave now," he answered, turning away, but his steps were stopped as she held his right hand. "Please come in, I need to talk to you," she begged him. Laxus sighed, but he eventually went in.

"So tell me why you're not going to school today," he asked, more sounded like an order for an answer.

"Because of these," she said as she bent over and started rolling her pants leg up. His eyes widened as he saw tons of tiny red spots everywhere in her entire leg. He knew what those are: petechiae or a capillary bleeding. He had done some research about leukemia, and it was expected for leukemic, but it just never crossed his mind that these would cover her whole, beautiful leg. "I'm just embarrassed if everyone in school sees this."

"So you're planning to stay at home forever?" He asked with genuine tone. He didn't realize it might have come off rude as he was just asking what was on his mind at that moment. And she only giggled at his honest question, "no silly. I just met doctor and asked for medicine. Once they're gone, I'll be going to school."

"Oh. How was your date yesterday?" His heart pounding shortly after he asked the question. Laxus didn't know why he bothered to know about their date. If only he could take his questions back, but it was too late.

"Daisuke and I almost had sex yesterday."

Her honest answer was like a stab in his chest. As if all the air was stolen from his lungs and he didn't think he could breathe again.

"It was the best pleasure I've had so far when his hands roamed over my body—"

 _Why am I listening to this?_ His hand curled up into a fist and he fought hard to keep his hand at his side. He wanted to punch Daisuke in face, but for what reason? She was not his to begin with.

"But then it seemed that Daisuke saw this red spot around my waist and he looked shock. I was too embarrassed so I told him to stop, then he… I don't know. I can't read his face! He just became so cold. So untouchable," she said with a smile, the kind of smile that wobbled on the edge of tears. He heard her drawing breath before she asked him, "Laxus, am I so undesirable?"

She then instantly looked away, but Laxus saw the trace of tears in the corner of her eyes. He wanted to tell her that she was still the most desirable, beautiful woman that he had ever known, but it just didn't come out of his mouth. "Mira—"

He was surprised when she suddenly buried her face in his shirt. She cried, hanging on tight to him. He stood there with his hands out, not daring to hug her back. For the first time, he felt powerless watching the woman that he loved crying her heart out.

 _Dear diary,_

 _I despise to admit that leukemia has been part of who I am today. Cancer has stolen everything that I have, but I don't want to give up on the man that I love. Am I asking too much if I want the man I love to accept me for who I am?_

 **A/N: This is rather long. I'm horrible with transition and would appreciate if you have constructive feedback. Thanks for your support by following, favoring, and reviewing this fic.**


	6. Chapter 6

The day after Laxus went to her place, Mirajane still didn't come to school. It was lunch break, Laxus sat in his desk, staring emptily at the classroom door. Daisuke still didn't appear to this classroom, unlike usual. He used to go in this classroom, looking for Mirajane during lunch break and after school. Laxus then lowered his gaze to his cellphone. He wondered how she was doing. He texted her if he could come to see her after school, and she replied, "Yes."

The road out to her place seemed farther than usual. Laxus couldn't think anything but Mirajane. Just when she thought her life was ruined, and she would have another hole in her heart from breaking, Daisuke, the man that always held special place in her heart, came into her life. But he came only to break her fragile heart into the million pieces. If only she knew how much Laxus wanted to put back together the shattered pieces of her heart.

When he walked closer to her place, he saw Daisuke was standing there, right in front of her house. Laxus stepped toward him, annoyed with his presence. "What are you doing here?"

Daisuke looked up at him nonchalantly. "I just wanted to see her, but she didn't open the door."

"How long have you been here?"

Daisuke sighed. "Around fifteen minutes."

Fifteen minutes? She should've been at home. She said that he could come visit her after school. Having a bad feeling, Laxus banged on the door and shouted, "Mira, open the door!"

But no one answered. He banged the door louder, but still nobody answered. He called her cellphone, and panicked when she didn't answer. He stood back and kicked the door as hard as he could. "Hey, it's too much Laxus," Daisuke said firmly, but Laxus ignored him. It took four kicks before the door flew open.

"Mira!" Laxus yelled, entering the house followed with Daisuke. His heart beating harder, so loud that it almost deafened him. He became increasingly frustrated, and his headache grew as he couldn't find her in each room that he checked. He didn't think he could ever live with himself if anything ever happened to her.

"Laxus, I find her. Here in the bathroom!"

Laxus lunged toward the bathroom only to find Mirajane lying unconscious on the floor with a trickle of blood beneath her head. It seemed that she hit her head when she fell on the floor, and her lips were bluish that matched the rest of her face. Laxus watched her in horror and Daisuke was holding her neck gently, and his other hand trying to feel her pulse. "It was so weak," Daisuke muttered, beginning to panic.

"Fuck, I'm calling 911!"

##

Daisuke and Laxus were just sitting in the waiting room. Laxus was stifling, sweat poured down his face, his throat was on fire, and his hands were trembling. He was just praying that it was not too late and Mirajane still could be saved. He didn't know if God was real, but if He did, he wouldn't doubt to kneel down and begged for His help. But it didn't take them so long as the nurse came out and told them, "The patient was stable now. You can come and see her, but one patient at a time, please."

Daisuke was looking at Laxus, as if he wanted his permission to go and see her first. Laxus knew that Daisuku was the man that Mirajane wanted to talk to the moment she opened her eyes, so he nodded, "Yeah, go see her."

"Thanks Laxus," he murmured softly, and rushed into her room, leaving Laxus with the nurse alone.

"So what happened with her?" Laxus asked the nurse.

"Opioid overdose," the nurse explained. His eyes got widened at her answer. "Wa—was she trying to kill herself?"

The nurse shook her head. "I don't think so Sir. Miss Mirajane has been on opioid medication for months, and she might have built tolerance with the drug. When she thought the medication was not working, she added the dose on her own, and eventually overdosed herself. It was not uncommon that patient with cancer overdose themselves with the opioid medication. But you did a wonderful job Sir, Miss Mirajane's respiratory status was severely depressed and you made the right decision to call 911 right away."

The muscles in his chest tightened as he heard her. The thought of losing her to death's embrace; of knowing that she could've gone forever if he was late, and that he would never see her smile, hear her laughter and her cry—was just intolerably painful.

##

"Daisuke," Mira said weakly.

"Hey, are you alright? Don't worry Mira, I'll be quick then you can rest," he said, reaching out to her and touching her warm cheeks.

"Daisuke, your hands are very warm," she replied softly.

Daisuke chuckled, and he continued, "Mira, are you leukemic?"

Mira was hurt at his question, was that how people would label her? A leukemic?

"Yes, I am Daisuke, and I'm sorry to keep it as a secret from you. How did you know?"

He pulled a chair to sit next to her bed and he looked at the floor. "My niece was leukemic. She also had petechiae, exactly like the one that I saw when we were in—," he couldn't even continue.

"How is she doing now?" she asked carefully.

He still couldn't look her in the eyes. Instead, his hands were balled into fists and tears were running down his cheek. "She— didn't make it."

"I'm sorry Mira, I couldn't find the right words to comfort you, but it was just so painful to see the person you loved being taken away from you. I'm so sorry," he continued sobbing and sobbing, hardly pausing enough to take a breath.

To his surprise, Mirajane reached out and she hugged his head down so he didn't have to meet her eyes. He could feel her mouth turning upward in a smile, and his crying subsided into breathless hiccups. "I'm sorry for your loss, and I hope we can still be friends," she said softly.

He didn't answer her. Instead, they locked in each other's arms for good five minutes before he could control his breath.

"Thank you Mira, you're a wonderful person," he whispered near her ears before they exchanged goodbye.

##

After watching Daisuke left, Laxus stood in front of her room for half an hour. Shall he come in now and shall he give her some time? Unable to make his mind, he decided to just step into her room, and to find Mirajane was wiping her tears. Her eyes were so red and swollen from crying.

He was so angry that he could feel his blood boil, and he began to raise his voice. "What the hell did Daisuke do this time?"

He had enough of this bullshit. He couldn't bear to see her being hurt again by the same man.

Mirajane quickly hid her tears, took a deep breath before answering him, "No, he didn't do anything. He was just saying goodbye."

"You're a terrible liar," he scoffed.

"I'm not lying. This is part of a break up. You'll cry at the beginning, but then you realize that you're not always meant to be with the person that you liked, and breaking up is not always a bad thing. Sometimes it just sets you free."

He narrowed his eyes at her explanation. Love was still a new concept to him, and he didn't quite get it. "Does it set you free?"

She smiled warmly at him. "Yes, it's tears of happiness."

She then turned to the window before he saw another tear drop from her eyes. "I'm alright, Laxus," she murmured softly.

He knew it was just another lie rolled off her tongue. He knew she was still fighting her tears, and she just didn't want him to see her crying again. He was not a man of words, and he didn't know what to say. However, he didn't want to make the same mistake like yesterday; when he was all powerless and just watched her crying. Gathering his courage, he decided to move his limbs. He move closer to her, held her tightly from behind and pressed his chin against the top of her head. Thanking the darkness for hiding his blush, he whispered, "I know you are."

She continued crying in his arms. Only in his arms, she fell into the world that embraced her with warmth and blocked out the ugly reality that she could never love and be loved again.

 _Dear Diary,_

 _Will I ever get married with the man I love?_


End file.
